I forgot how hot balto sounded
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
