How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
