never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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