I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have post one night stand depression
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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