Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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