Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize