There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
