Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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