if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
