You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
