tequila makes me forget i have legs
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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