found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
