i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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