I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
