the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
