How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
