I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Blood and glitter go together right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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