it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
