You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
