:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize