apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
