so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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