Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
