why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
