I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
