i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize