My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
