New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
