is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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