Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
