If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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