I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
