Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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