i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
