Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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