Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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