i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
