Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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