cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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