I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize