its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
