Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
