Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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