Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
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We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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