The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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