i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
