meet me or not, i'm out of control
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
