her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
