i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
