Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
