Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
