I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
