I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
