All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
