And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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