if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize