i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
