Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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