If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
