So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
