well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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