Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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